That’s right, ageism directed at you by younger people who want your job or dislike you for a personal reason, or peers who deem you “less-than”; less-than their idea of positive aging, less-than what their need requires of you, and more demanding of you-name-it: your weight, your bank account, your spouse (or lack thereof), your politics or faith. Then there is self-ageism we practice when we don’t like what we see in the mirror and punish ourselves in some way. Love, in a word, is the answer. Here are a few love-in-practice anti-ageism techniques we can all get into.

Have mercy on elderly you see who struggle with things you don’t…and even more, if you do. Watch how often others treat seniors who are overweight, under-funded, or are hoarders; those who are trapped in handicaps of chance or of their own making. Those, whose children are oblivious; or worse, are negligent. Your mercy will be returned to you, as mercy and kindness are twins. Then, be kind enough to yourself to start the changes you’ll need to avoid the merciless rebukes of old age.

Pay attention to wonderful women who were widows too young (that comes at any age!), persevering with heavy hearts, and to the old men who were unprepared emotionally and practically to lose their wives in death that was supposed to happen to husbands first. They struggle to live alone, so pay them some kind attention and you will teach your own children that you will need some attention, too.

Make a plan and stick to it. The concept of “choice” after the age of 60 is really about two things: your health and your wealth, and how much of each you have to face your “golden years“. The next two decades can either be a joyful challenge or a dreary one. Chances are you will live out at least these twenty years. For your health, make a plan and stick to it about exercise, consuming fewer calories, and caring for your skin and teeth and eyes every single day! For your wealth, do a personal SWOT (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats) analysis. Take some classes to open you to a field that will challenge your mind, open some opportunities for funding and allow you to socialize in positive ways.

Renew old friendships and cultivate new relationships. The emergence of social media for Boomers to aid in both these goals has been quite a phenomenon in the last few years! In lifespan development terms, the decade of a woman’s 50’s is her best decade: she has finished, for the most part, in the physical raising of her children, she has learned to manage her home like a business, she has earned respect in her career and workplace, and she has maintained and developed a lifetime of networking relationships. A woman in her fifties attains a life-satisfaction ratio that is very high compared to earlier decades of her life. The phrase “all pistons are firing” is apropos! Many women in their fifties “reboot” or “re-career” to find satisfaction and success in whatever they choose to do. The book, Vibrant Nation: What Boomer Women 55+ Know, Think, Do & Buy says it well: “Women in their 50s, 60s and beyond are breaking through the stereotypes of what it means to be an older woman. Where women could expect to become increasingly marginalized from mainstream society as they aged, they are now gathering strength and influence. This female age wave is already stirring up far-reaching impact on the workplace, the marketplace, the family, and the world at large. We’re getting to see firsthand what it looked like when the first generation of women who earned and managed their own money gets to rethink what work, retirement, and success can look like after 50.” (2010,xii)

Teach your children by example to nurture family relationships. Nurturing respect in family relationships in every phase of life is one of the best insurance policies we can have for a better aging. You would be surprised (or maybe you wouldn’t) at how many families become separated in their affections and philosophies once a parent or both parents pass away. My husband is a Probate, Conservatorship and Trust attorney who sees this all the time. The family structure suffers a severe blow in the loss of a parent. Even the strongest families can flounder; how can people really prepare for a loss they have never experienced? If we can find the grace to rise to our best selves, to keep reaching out to other family members, and to strengthen the good that is in our families, there is hope for better times ahead. These worthy goals are challenged by personal grief and sibling rivalries, which often creep in unaware. Don’t let this happen to your family!

A song by Crosby Stills and Nash from the 1970’s, Teach Your Children, says “You who are on the road/ Must have a code that you can live by/ And so become yourself/ Because the past is just a good bye/Teach your children well/Their father’s hell did slowly go by/ And feed them on your dreams/The one they picks, the one you’ll know by.” I think the message of this beautiful song–which tried to bridge the generation gap–was to encourage us to always realize our kids are watching and learning how to do life, and we always will have influence, be it positive or negative, in family relationships…and to choose good!

Ageism, in a word, sucks. Ageism, like every other prejudice, demeans its victims, separates us from the good in each other and spawns negativity in the hearts of humans. Facing ageism, like Alzheimer’s disease, is a cruel way to grow old. Ageism, because of human nature and the rapid upswing of aging Boomers, will only increase.

Now is the time to take action. No matter your age, starting today puts you ahead of the game. You really do want to avoid ageism’s grip: whether you are younger and tempted to practice it or when you yourself are old and suffer under its cruelty. For more information on ageism, go to http://ageismhurts.com

©2011 Di Patterson, MSG CPG “If good real estate is all about location, location, location, then success in aging is all about attitude, attitude, attitude!”

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Whether you are caring for aging parents or new to the aging marketplace, here are a few of my Successful Strategies in Elderspeak. These recommendations have their foundations in biology of Aging and psychology of Aging coursework and in my many years of experience with older adults.

Slow down.

Think quickly, but speak slowly. Response time, both physically and mentally, is a little slower for elderly, but not necessarily of lesser quality. That is also important to remember when deciding how to approach your family members/clients: they have “been around the block” more often than their younger counterparts, so don’t assume they can’t keep up with you when you are explaining your policies and procedures.

Say what you mean.

Your older adult might not have understood what you meant.  Since the elderly come from a different generation than most of us do, their “dictionary” could be a little different than yours, in the sense of how you are phrasing things. Terms and technology change quickly these days. Ask your family member/client if you are making sense to her/him, and if need be, re-phrase until she/he clearly understands you.

Ask the elder to repeat it.

Always a great idea in any communication exercise, but especially helpful with the elderly.  You will get a first hand lesson in what your family member/client has translated your message into.  Also, being from a very respect-oriented generation, he/she might not have assertively communicated his/her preferences to you.   Their respect for your family/professional status might put them off from pressing harder.

Remember that the issues of respect, losses, and wisdom are important.

Aging brings along with it a desire to complete one’s lifework.  Youth has fallen away, careers have receded, and children have universes of their own.  Life becomes quieter.  Offer work that takes into account those parameters, realize that respect is the greater part of their dignity, and give consideration to the chronic losses of old age. Be honoring.

Di Patterson, MSG, CPG

© 2010 Diane Alexander Patterson, MSG, CPG “If good real estate is about location, location, location, then ‘success in aging’ is about attitude, attitude, attitude!” www.SeasonofLife.net

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